


Childhood's Farewell

by DKNC



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Family Feels, Growing Up, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DKNC/pseuds/DKNC
Summary: This story was written for Catelyn Tully Week 2019 on tumblr in response to the Day 1 Prompt: Daughter of RiversA conversation between a young Catelyn Tully and her uncle some time after mother's death, but before her betrothal to Brandon Stark catches her at a moment in time where she's no longer a child but not yet an adult, but doing her best to make sense of her changing world, her changing self, and her gradually changing understanding of the people and home that she loves.





	Childhood's Farewell

“Please don’t go away, Uncle Brynden!”

Catelyn threw her arms around her uncle’s waist as if she could hold him in Riverrun with the small strength of her slender arms.

“Catelyn! Why did you follow me here, child?”

Her uncle’s voice sounded far sterner than usual, and Catelyn stepped back from him and bit her lip to keep from crying. “I didn’t follow you,” she told him truthfully, looking up at his eyes in spite of the frown which drew his thick eyebrows together. “You always come here when you and Father argue.” She looked down at the ground before continuing in a small voice. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your conversation. I thought you would be alone.”

Her uncle put his hand under her chin and raised her face up toward his once more. “And what did you see and hear, my young lady?”

His voice still sounded stern, but as she regarded his face now, Catelyn thought he looked more frightened than angry.

“Nothing,” she said. “I barely saw the man who was with you at all before he walked over there into the trees, and I heard nothing except you calling out my name when you saw me.

Ser Brynden looked at her a moment longer, and then released her chin with a deep sigh. “Forgive me, Little Cat. “My being angry with your father gives me no right to speak harshly to you.”

“I’m not angry at you, Uncle Brynden,” Catelyn assured him. “But why are you leaving? Father said you were riding out from Riverrun in the morning, and wouldn’t say anything else. I know the two of you argued again, but you don’t have to leave. He’ll get over whatever is bothering him soon enough, and I can’t bear it if you leave!” She bit her lip even harder than before, fighting against the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“Hoster’s problem with me isn’t something he’ll ever get over, Little Cat,” Brynden said softly, pulling her against him with his strong arms. She’d grown quite a bit over the past year, and her head rested against the middle of his chest. “But I won’t stay gone forever, I promise. Hoster and I . . . sometimes we do better when we aren’t living in the same castle.”

“But I do better when you’re here!” Catelyn protested. Her uncle had been in and out of Riverrun, traveling the Seven Kingdoms and earning renown as a great knight since before she was born. But whenever he was in residence, he was her favorite confidante, especially since Mother had died. She could tell him things she’d never tell Father and ask him questions that Septa and Father would likely not answer. And he could soothe Lysa’s dark moods or make little Edmure behave himself even when Catelyn had reached the end of her patience with either of them. She needed Uncle Brynden.

“You don’t need me, Catelyn Tully,” her uncle spoke as if he heard her thoughts. “You’re the strongest person in Riverrun. Stronger than your father, although I’ll thank you not to tell him I said so. And much stronger than me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she said, stepping back from him once more, and putting her hands on her hips. “I’m only one and ten, and a girl. You’re the most famous knight in the Seven Kingdoms.”

Brynden laughed at that. “Well, I could name any number of knights who are far more famous than I . . . and deservedly so. But I do love you for your loyalty and your confidence in me, niece.” He reached out a hand to her, and she took it. As he led her to sit with him on a fallen log, he continued speaking. “Regardless of my level of fame, I would most certainly defeat you in battle or in any physical contest you could name. But that’s not the kind of strength I’m speaking of.”

“What do you mean, then?” Catelyn asked him, knowing he’d answer her completely because he always did.

Her uncle took a deep breath and looked out toward the denser trees. “Your father depends on you, Catelyn. More than he has a right to.” He held up a hand to silence her as she started to protest. “I’m not criticizing Hoster. He doesn’t know what else to do, Little Cat.” He shook his head. “I don’t envy him, you know. It’s an ungodly beast of task being Lord Paramount of the Trident. I couldn’t do it nearly as well, and I’ve said so to his face. But as good as he is at it, he can’t do it all by himself. Minisa was more than his wife, Cat. She was his partner.” He turned to face her then, and smiled. “You are so like her in so many ways. Yet, you’ve got quite a bit of your father in you, too. All the best bits, I think.” He winked at her before turning to look toward the trees again. “When Hoster lost your mother, he lost a piece of himself. He can’t do the things in Riverrun that she once did, but he can’t bear to let anyone else do them, either. He doesn’t want to replace her.” He looked toward her again, but his expression was serious, solemn even. “You’re her daughter. His daughter. And you’ve always been his favorite child, although I’d die before repeating that where Lysa or Edmure could hear. He can allow you to sit in her seat and feel pride rather than loss, and so he does. As you rise to every challenge he gives you, his pride swells and he depends upon you even more. You are everything he expects you to be, Little Cat, and that’s no easy feat. I know better than most how difficult it is to live up to Hoster Tully’s expectations. I honestly believe no one ever has, save for you and your mother. You are very precious to him.”

“Lysa and Edmure are precious, too,” Catelyn insisted, feeling vaguely uncomfortable and guilty. Lysa had accused her of stealing all Father’s attention on more than one occasion in recent months and Father often seemed more interested in hearing Catelyn’s reports of little Edmure’s new accomplishments than in spending time with her baby brother himself. “Father loves all of us.”

“He does,” her uncle said with reassuring certainty in his tone. “He even loves me,” he said with short laugh that didn’t sound very happy to Catelyn. 

“Then why are you leaving?” she asked him, silently chiding herself for sounding as petulant as her younger sister sometimes did.

“Because he doesn’t approve of me, child, and he never will. Love and approval are not the same thing. And they are very different things for Hoster. As long as I refuse to wed some fine maiden from a good family for the betterment of House Tully, I cannot win his approval.”

“Why don’t you just marry someone then? Everyone has to wed eventually, Uncle Brynden!”

“You know that’s not true. In fact, Kingsguard, men of the Night’s Watch, Maesters, Septons, Septas, and Silent Sisters are all forbidden to wed.”

She scrunched up her nose at him. “So you plan to be a Silent Sister?” she challenged him. “Aside from the obvious problem of your being a man, you like to talk too much!”

Brynden laughed hard at that, and Catelyn smiled to hear it even as distressed as she was by his insistence upon leaving. She never wanted her uncle to be unhappy.

“I was simply pointing out the fallacy of your argument, my lady,” he said once he stopped laughing. “There happen to be many, many people who simply choose not to wed. I am one of them.”

“But why? Father was much happier when Mother was alive. You said yourself that she was his wife and partner. Like a part of himself. If that’s what marriage is like, how is it a bad thing?”

“It isn’t, Little Cat,” Brynden said in a voice barely audible. “For many people, Hoster included, it’s a very, very good thing. I told you I didn’t envy my brother, and I don’t. Not as far as his lordship is concerned. But I do envy what he had with Minisa. They were lucky, those two. Not all marriages come to a love so deep as theirs, you know. But every marriage should at least be grounded in respect with the hope of affection.”

“You could have that, Uncle! Only a hateful person could refuse to love you, and I’m sure Father wouldn’t make you wed a hateful woman!” Catelyn exclaimed.

Brynden laughed again, but it didn’t sound as happy this time. “No, at this point, I reckon old Hoster would celebrate if I wed nearly any woman at all.” He took a deep breath, and looked Catelyn in the eyes. “But I won’t. I never will, and as much as I love you, niece, you’ll not persuade me any better than your father has.”

Catelyn nearly cried out ‘But why?’ She stopped herself because she didn’t want to sound as childish as little Edmure. Instead, she looked at her uncle, and as courteously and maturely as she could, she said, “Can you tell me your reasons for that decision, Uncle?”

Brynden smiled at her. “Do you know your father has never once asked me that question, Little Cat? Not in those words, anyway. He leans more toward simply ordering me to do my duty and asking what the bloody hells is wrong with me when I refuse.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t mean to curse at you, Uncle,” Catelyn said. “He just gets . . . upset. He’s like Lysa that way.”

Brynden’s laughter then was the loudest yet. “Oh, Cat, my darling girl! You are too clever, and far too observant for someone your age,” he said as he wiped tears from his eyes. “But you’re exactly right. When it comes to being proud, stubborn, and insistent upon getting their way, your father and sister are very alike—I fear that may put them at odds someday.”

Before Catelyn could puzzle out what her uncle meant by that, he continued. “But since you did ask your question so courteously, I shall endeavor to answer it. I shall never wed because I believe a vow is a sacred thing. When I was knighted and took my vows, I spoke every word with the full intent of living up to those words until my dying breath. A marriage is begun with vows, too. And I am not capable of living up to those vows.”

“But . . .”

“No. Don’t protest, niece. You cannot know my own heart and mind better than I do. I do not consider myself a bad man, but I do not have it within me to truly be a husband to any woman. Hoster can judge me as he will for that, but I will not stand before the Seven and make a false vow to anyone. That is one sin I will not commit, child.”

Catelyn still didn’t truly understood why her uncle thought he would be such a bad husband. He was the most wonderful man she knew. But she did understand the importance of vows and respected her uncle’s desire to never make a vow he felt he couldn’t keep. Mayhap he was in love with someone he couldn’t marry. A Septa who’d taken vows of celibacy. Or a woman of too low a station to allow marriage between them. Maybe he’d loved someone who died and couldn’t replace her—just like Father could never replace Mother. Living without a wife or children all for the sake of being true to a forbidden or lost love was rather romantic, she supposed. There were lots of songs about such things. Somehow, Catelyn had never truly considered how impossibly sad and lonely such a life would be when listening to songs. 

“You shouldn’t wed if you feel that way,” she said firmly. “Father shouldn’t make you. He has Edmure as an heir, after all. And even Lysa and I come before you in the line of inheritance for Riverrun.”

“Ah, my sweet niece. Your mother’s tender heart and your father’s pragmatism. You support my decision because you love me and because Riverrun’s future is secured by your siblings and yourself.”

“I didn’t mean . . .”

Brynden laughed and tugged at the end of one of her braids. “I’m only teasing you,” he said. “I know how fortunate I am in both the order of my birth and the existence of my elder brother’s children. I love you all for your adorable selves, of course, but the fact that you separate me further from responsibility for the Riverlands is welcome, too.” He grinned at her. “I’m as much a Tully as you are, Little Cat, whether Hoster believes it or not. Were I the heir to Riverrun, I’d have to give more attention to Family and Duty than to my own personal ideal of Honor.”

Catelyn laughed at him. “I just don’t want you to ever be lonely, Uncle Brynden,” she said, thinking again on the tragic romantic songs which no longer seemed so appealing to her.

“I won’t be lonely, niece. For one thing, I’ll always have you, and Lysa, and Edmure. And even Hoster on days when he’s speaking to me.” He just grinned when she made a face and smacked his hand lightly for the comment about her father. “And Ser Bennek is coming with me tomorrow, so I won’t be alone.”

“Is that who you were talking to when I got here?”

Her uncle nodded. “I told him I thought I needed some time away from Riverrun, and he said it was high time he got back to the Vale. That’s one place in the Seven Kingdoms I haven’t really explored, so I asked him if I could ride along.”

“Father doesn’t like him,” Catelyn said bluntly. The Vale knight had arrived at Riverrun nearly two moons ago bearing correspondence for Catelyn’s father which the sender felt could not be trusted to a raven. Her father had apparently decided that he trusted ravens more than Ser Bennek as he did not give the man any letters to carry back. It seemed that Ser Bennek and her uncle knew each other, however, and he’d stayed on as Brynden’s guest. That had irritated her father greatly even though Ser Bennek was always courteous enough to everyone as far as Catelyn could tell, and her father never offered any explanation of his dislike of the man. 

“No, he doesn’t,” Brynden said shortly.

“Do you know why?”

“He doesn’t approve of him,” her uncle said with a shrug. “As Hoster doesn’t approve of me, either, I don’t hold that against him.”

Catelyn sighed. “I just wish you and Father could get along. I love you both and I don’t want you angry with each other.” 

“We’ll be considerably less angry with each other once we’re apart for awhile, Little Cat. I promise.”

“But I’ll still miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more than you know.” Brynden suddenly stood up and offered a hand to help her rise. “Catelyn, I have a confession to make.”

Catelyn looked at him curiously. He rarely used her full name unless he was angry with her or being serious so she didn’t think he was teasing her.

“I told you that you are the strongest person in Riverrun, and that’s true. You are. You have handled the loss of your mother, the responsibility of your sister and brother, and your father giving you the whole bloody castle to run with more grace and courage than any other woman three times your age might have done. I also told you that your father depended upon your strength more than he has a right to.” He paused only a moment before saying, “And now I am about to do the same thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve stayed at Riverrun since your mother’s death, Cat. I couldn’t leave Hoster alone in his grief. I couldn’t leave you children lost and missing your mother. I couldn’t leave Riverrun rudderless while you all found your way. And now, Hoster’s back on his feet. So much so that he’s demanding I choose between three recent marriage offers he’s received on my behalf and shouting at me as loudly as ever over my refusals. He’s angry enough that he’ll be glad to see the back of my horse rather than sad to see me go.”

“But he . . .”

“He’ll be fine, Little Cat. Because you’re here. Everyone I love here in Riverrun will be fine because you are strong enough to care for them. I’ve seen your strength, and I’m honestly near the end of mine at the moment. So I’m doing the very thing I’ve faulted my brother for doing. I’m depending upon you to be the Lady of Riverrun now.”

“I’ll . . . I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will. But I have one more favor to ask of you.” He smiled at her then. “You must go swimming at least once a week when the weather is warm, and you must play with Lysa and the boys in the godswood or on the river bank for at least a little while almost every day. You’re a Tully, Little Cat, and a very young one for all that you’re more mature than your father or your reprobate uncle in some ways. You’re a daughter of rivers, and from the river you get your strength. Be young while you can. Promise me.”

Uncle Brynden was constantly telling her to allow herself time to be a child while she could. He’d find her going over ledgers and practically order her out of her lady mother’s solar (She couldn’t call it hers--it would always be Mother’s) to play in the godswood with Lysa, Petyr, and Edmure or to swim in the river on hot days while he finished whatever task she’d been working on. She could never stay with the children long. She had too many responsibilities since Father told her she had to be the Lady of Riverrun. But she did enjoy those stolen moments that reminded her of a time when running with bare feet through the soft river mud could make everything better, when Father laughed more easily, Lysa and Edmure didn’t crawl into her bed most nights with nightmares, and Mother sang to all of them almost every evening. She knew couldn’t truly be a child anymore, but she loved her uncle dearly for helping her remember how childhood felt.

She spent hours with her father every day, and he never spoke to her of childhood. He spoke of his bannermen and their squabbles, of the delicate balance of power among all their vassals which must be maintained to keep peace in the Riverlands, of the importance of managing harvests so that plentiful summers could feed people through lean winters, of taxes, of laws, of budgets, of marriage alliances and trade alliances. Sometimes Catelyn felt no one could possibly know everything necessary to be Lord or Lady of Riverrun. Family. Duty. Honor. Those were the Tully words and Lord Hoster Tully intended her and her siblings to live them always. She loved her father, and she worked hard to be the lady he required her to be however much she missed her mother or missed carefree days in the sun. She endeavored to grow up as quickly as she could in the wake of Mother’s death for her father and siblings who needed her. Yet, it many ways, it was her uncle with the laughing blue eyes who made her take time to play who made her feel she was capable of growing up.

“I’ll promise,” she said, “on one condition. You have to promise to return to Riverrun for my twelfth name day.”

“Cat, I’m not . . .”

“That’s over six moons from now, Uncle Brynden. More than enough time for yours and Father’s anger to cool.” She smiled at him. “Besides, you’re a Tully. Whatever adventures you and Ser Bennek might find in your travels through the Vale, you’ll still need to come home to the river to truly recover your strength.”

Brynden smiled. “You are fierce negotiator, my lady,” he said with a formal bow. “I agree to your terms. I give you my word I will be in Riverrun for your twelfth name day.”

She returned his smile. “And I give you my word, ser, that I will swim and play with the others whenever I get the chance.”

He raised one thick eyebrow and cocked his head at her.

“I will swim at least once a week and play outside at least half the days,” she clarified. “On my honor as a Tully.”

He didn’t call her out for slightly decreasing the number of play days from his original demand. He simply bowed once more and kissed her hand before saying, “We have an accord, my lady.”

Then they both laughed.

Uncle Brynden didn’t join the family for dinner that evening which didn’t surprise Catelyn as he and Father still weren’t speaking. She barely paid any attention to Lysa and Petyr chattering away about various things as she tried to coax a sleepy Edmure to eat before excusing herself to take him to his bed. 

She rose very early the next morning because she knew her uncle would ride out with the sun. He and Ser Bennek were already in the courtyard with their horses when she hurried out. No one else save the groom who’d saddled their mounts was present to see them off. 

Ser Bennek gave her a polite nod and wished her a good day, and she wished him a safe journey. She’d scarcely spoken a dozen words to him during his stay and had a strong suspicion that her father, for reasons he did not share with her, had told the man to keep away from his children. 

Uncle Brynden leapt off his horse and picked her up off the ground in a tight hug. 

“Be good, Little Cat. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. Write me when you get a chance, and if you stay put anywhere long enough to receive a raven, I’ll write you back.”

“I will,” he promised. “You take as good care of yourself as you do everyone else, all right?”

“I’ll try.” Her lip started to tremble, and he saw it before she could make it stop.

“No,” her uncle said, looking into her eyes. “You’ll succeed. You are a great lady, Catelyn Tully, and you are destined for great things.”

“I love you, Uncle Brynden. Be well.”

“I love you, Little Cat.” 

With that, he let go of her and swung himself up on his horse, and he and his companion rode out without another look back.

As she walked back to the castle, Catelyn felt more like an uncertain little girl than a great lady. She didn’t feel destined for great things. She didn’t know why her father and uncle couldn’t seem to understand each other. She prayed she could be as strong as both her father and uncle believed she was. 

The day was dawning bright and fair and clearly would be very hot. Catelyn knew that another piece of her childhood had ridden away with her uncle that morning, perhaps the final piece. Yet, she was a Tully of Riverrun, and she kept her promises. Child or woman—today, she was going swimming. Today, this daughter of rivers was going to dive into the water and ask for all the strength it could give her while splashing her siblings until they laughed and squealed and splashed her back. 

Giggling at her thoughts, the young Lady of Riverrun picked up her skirts and ran the rest of the way back to the castle, eager to get an early start to her daily tasks so she could keep her promise to her uncle, take her siblings and Petyr for a swim, and remind herself of the girl she was and the lady she must become.


End file.
